In a recently published Facebook Post, Timothy Kalyegira the person behind Kampala Express, you the Facebook Page or now are you a media entity that has become increasingly popular in Uganda’s social media circles, opined that there is actually nothing wrong with Uganda’s Education System.

Not that I believe that it’s all messed up but to say that there is nothing wrong is to say all is okay and that we should settle for less, accept everything as it is and not strive to improve anything because as things were, so are they and so should they always be. Unfortunately, that is what Mr. Kalyegira thinks, a gentleman whom I hold in high regard.

Yet, his chain of thinking does not surprise me because going by what Kalyegira says I am now convinced the colonialists achieved what they sought to achieve by handing to us a British School System without adapting it to our specific needs and circumstances- inculcating into us the notion that they are superior and we are inferior.

Kalyegira, albeit unknowingly, affirms this fact when he speaks in defense of the the British school system and its imposition on Ugandans.

“Uganda, like most of Tropical Africa, ‘was not going’ to be an industrial power in 1910. The country was just being built up from scratch, training clerks to take up the future roles for the basic desk work in public administration and the civil service.”

Note the use of ‘Uganda…was not going to be an industrial power’ like it was a predestined fact and truth. Why was Uganda “not going” to be an industrial power? Was it some form of absolute impossibility?

Interestingly, Kalyegira doesn’t notice the kind of mental slavery the education system he is advocating for has subjected him to and I cannot help but laugh at the irony when he says “there was nothing wrong with that.”

Really? In all honesty is there nothing wrong with a system that trains us to be mere clerks and nothing more? Just pause and think about it.

But apparently as per the veteran Journalist, what we appear to have failed to do, or progressively failed at, is sustaining these “clerical skills” and it is the problem with our country, not the system that teaches us to be clerks.

As if that’s not ridiculous enough, Kalyegira recommends in his conclusive remarks

“Knowing Ugandans and other Africans as we generally are, even if we taught nothing but sciences in school, we would still not have the discipline to do what the Europeans and East Asians are creating in precision technology.

So we might as well try and perfect the area where we have the best chance, that is the arts, particularly English which happens to be our official language and, fortunately, the dominant language of the Internet.

Then maybe we could find a place in the world market by translating documents, working at call centres and so on.”

What Kalyegira is suggesting is that we are not good enough and that all Ugandans/ Africans (including you and I) are a lazy lot of human beings who lack the ability to invent new solutions to the challenges we face or even come up with inventions that that will be used world over. Now this kind of deplorable mental conditioning is the reason why there is need for a complete overhaul of our education system.

We need an education system that tells us we are good enough to compete anywhere in the world in any area of expertise, and not one that conditions us to the thinking that the best we can do with our lives is be clerks while the rest of the world is inventing what we shall use as clerks and employing us.

Aside from that, Kalyegira rants about the young people’s inability to write and construct correct grammatical sentences in what I was told by my High School Headmaster is the queen’s language ( note: it is not the Omukama or the Kabaka’s language). If only I was one of those young people who can’t construct correct grammatical sentences in the “queen’s language”, I would have written this response in that language that is a pain in Kalyegira’s neck.

By the way, before we write off those people who can’t write good English, like Steven Covey suggests, let us seek to understand.  Let us seek to understand why they prefer writing “thx” to “thanks” before we demand to be understood.  Perhaps it is a search for identity and they are trying to coin their own language with which they can identify since they can neither identify with the English Language because it will always be foreign to them nor their respective mother tongues.

In our homes we the elite, the products of this system who were schooled in institutions like Kings College Buddo, Kiira College Butiki, Mt. St Mary’s College Namagunga and so forth could not teach them their respective mother tongues but forced them to speak English from the time they were born.  So when they “speak with British or American accents” they are trying to fit into the shoes we forced them to wear. It therefore should not be surprising that when we go past the accents all that we are left with is the appalling writing “that the Kampala Express does battle with daily from incoming comments.”

But even then, it is not true that nothing will become of the younger generation unless they learn to write good English. Actually, what we need to do is tap into the resource that there is in the language they speak however cryptic it sounds to our ears.

We should not be imposing but persuasive in our approach. Let’s try to learn, communicate and inspire them in that language. It is the only way we can tap into their creative abilities, not by teaching them to cram properly constructed English sentences just because “cramming of the right things is not necessarily a bad thing.”

If indeed we are smart enough, let us learn. Why should it be difficult for us to learn and adopt their language after all we are that smart? Or is their language that difficult to learn? If it is, then well, it means they are smarter. So smart that they can invent a language which we cannot learn or intelligent folk like Kalyegira are not comfortable speaking and yet easily understandable amongst them.

That’s why, if we sit back and start to think that because we speak and write very good English we are better off than they are, we may be shocked. What the young people are capable of achieving in their generation, in spite of their inability to construct correct sentences is beyond what some of us imagine. We just need to speak and interact with them more closely to perceive this reality.

Yet when all is said and done Kalyegira will still insist that, “What a newspaper like the Kampala Express badly and urgently needs and is looking for right now is not people expert at streaming video and music or downloading software, but who can write with the basic clarity of a primary school child of the 1960s and 1970s — sentences that start with capital letters and end in full stops…”

I am surprised you, a media entity (a new one in the game at that) is not interested in a person who can stream a video and would rather have a clerk who can type correct grammatical sentences into a computer. But let me ask? Who provides better value in the digital age, a person who will live stream the video of the president swearing in come 2016 for me to watch while I pursue other business in London and also keep me abreast through a few tweets here and there (which according to me should not necessarily be written in correct grammatical sentences) or the other one who writes in well-constructed sentences about the swearing in and whose story will be published in the national daily the day after I have watched the event? To be honest, I would derive better value from the former as opposed to the latter.

Finally, concerning the too much watching of watching television, again we should not complain. What else best defines the success of a “clerk” than possessing a 21- Inch Plasma screen Television which the son or daughter can watch as and when they will? Why should my son watch National Geographic when the bounds of his success will be determined by how good they are at translating documents? Do they teach English Grammar on National Geographic? Tell me Kampala Express, please tell me why.

Therefore, to help you and your owner Kalyegira appreciate better how the young people think about old people, and what they think of our education system, I am recommending that you watch the video of a poem (above) performed by those three ladies from Nabisunsa Girls School and written by Suli Breaks.  Enjoy. Note, that to record that video, the person did not need to be an expert at English Writing but I am sure you will derive some value from watching it.

The post An open letter to Kampala Express on what’s wrong with Uganda’s Education system first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

Members of Christian Legal Education And Research (CLEAR) International

Kingfisher resort hotel is such an isolated place that even an angel will find it hard to argue that it is not a good destination for committing such abominable but secretive sins. However I doubt whether the proprietors of this hotel quite intended it for such hideous activities and that is why I would prefer that we talk about something else altogether and that is to talk about how well suited Kingfisher is for the various social activities like picnics, conferences, retreats and the like that you can have in this enjoyable place.

Kingfisher is found about four kilometers from Njeru town, the town in Mukono that borders the Nile and the last town in Mukono before crossing to Jinja from the west. Be that as it may. Kingfisher Safari Resort hotel is a little distance away from that town that also boasts of industries like the Nile Breweries.

Just when you are meter or two into the compound of the hotel, and if your eyes keep roaming all over the place, most likely they will land on a few notices hang on trees around the place with one notice commanding you to “relax”. And just when you finally relax and get further into the premises of this resort, you will find a relatively moderate swimming pool but so naturally built that if you have ever enjoyed the
natural experience of swimming like yours truly, you may be tempted to get into the water the next minute.

The pool has swimming sections for adults and children. The two are separated by a wooden bridge under which a short “river” connecting the two pools. The pool for the adults is two meters deep on the deep end while it is 1 meter on the shallow end. The swimming pool for the children is less than 0.5 meters deep. This I can tell with my not so mathematically perfect eyes.

Nothing will mesmerize your soul more at Kingfisher than the Bed- rooms. Honestly, given that I am a bachelor, the first thought that came to my mind when I entered those rooms was how much those rooms were suited for honeymoon lovemaking (that is just a joke anyway). They are just small rooms but more self contained than one would expect of such small rooms with a bathroom and a toilet in there. Simple and largely ordinary but with a touch of class and enough interior space.

The rooms are in huge huts which are divided into four rooms. The four rooms are practically on the four sides of the big huts. The huts are roofed by papyrus reeds. It is such a hospitable place that you will feel at home even when away from home more so if you grew up in the countryside because Kingfisher has that countryside appeal around it.

All that may be amazing about Kingfisher but the most exciting bit of it all is that Kingfisher is a relatively cheap hang-out destination. The rooms go for as cheap as 15,000 shillings for every night. The food; a buffet also go for 15,000 shillings and the food which is African most of the time is simple but quite expertly prepared.

Then just in the background of Kingfisher are the waters of the Lake Victoria. I can see many people having fun by near the lake side. Their face cannot clearly be seen simply because of the obstruction of the many trees that are all over the place. Besides just two or so kilometers away from Kingfisher is the source of the Nile. You just need to part with 3,500 shillings to be taken for a boat ride to the exact place that John Speke over 100 years ago “discovered” to be the source of the Nile.

I couldn’t miss the boat rides and I found them to be such a fun experience that you too will enjoy for between half an hour to an hour depending on what you pay the boat riders for the ride and their time.

The author infront of the pool

I sure enjoyed my time at Kingfisher. Nonetheless, for conference purposes, which are the reason I was here in the first place, there is need for improvement of the conference facilities of Kingfisher. I came to Kingfisher with m embers of Christian Legal Education And Research (CLEAR), an International, an organisation that brings together Christian Lawyers and wasn’t very impressed with the conference facilities. At least such a place should have a projector and the conference hall ought to be more striking and appealing than the one that is in place but we always know that there is room for improvement.

I can say that Kingfisher Safari resort is that it is a place where you will take a daughter of a peasant and she will not be overwhelmed or feel out of place and a equally a place where you will take a daughter of a tycoon she too will not feel embarrassed or blame you for going far below the standard of her class. It is place that oozes with classy simplicity. Impressed I was indeed, but imagine what I would have written if Kingfisher Safari resort had hired or paid me!

By Zakaria Tiberindwa

The post Kingfisher Safari Resort Hotel surprises with price friendly comfy accommodation near Source of the Nile first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

You must have heard of that song in which some musicians claim mbu some people in this country will talk n talk…and that some people talk but they can’t do the walk? There is a way I believe some of our brothers in the opposition must have been inspired by that song to start up this controversial business of walking to work.

the Author

But then the talk in this article should have nothing to do with politicians and their walk to work. For that matter let me shift my line of conversation. I am one of the few Ugandans that “can do the walk ”. In other words I can really walk long distances. So the other day I was walking to Kamwokya though you should not mistake me to be that bad man from Kamwokya.

I then received this surprise call from some sweet voice. And so I inquired about who the hell was the owner of such a sweet voice only to be shocked when the voice quickly snapped “Angela”. I also spontaneously replied, “Owewa (where from)?”… and just on the other end of the line again the sweet voice crooned “Nansana.”

Now I know that looks like a naked lie, doesn’t it? And you must be asking that question “Okakasa?” to find out whether I really mean what I am saying. And to that I have no option but to say, “I swear”. Besides, sometimes I simply like to talk n talk n talk. Okay let me shift to another story where I did the walk. The other day I met this other girl her name is Carolina.

Now Carolina is the girl that I went to school with in 1997.  And akin to the story of the Carolina that you have heard of in one of those songs, I found this Carolina doing some crude business in the wee hours of the night (Please do not ask me what I was doing at that time of the night because I am not ready to talk n talk n talk about that foolish business).

I just want you to listen. Anyway when I expressed my concern over her plight and wanted to assist her and marry her out of her misery (as a means of doing the walk) she simply told me to mind my own business… these days is it called okuwujja one’s kasepiki.

And so I have been trying to okuwujja my kasepiki until some lady recently asked me out. She promised me heaven on earth in terms of love. Naye, not long after that I realized she was simply interested in Mafalanga and nothing else.

But luckily enough for the few years I have spent on this planet, I have so far failed to click a healthy relationship with cash and so that is how I managed to survive. When I survived I sang for her a verse in her absentia “muwala nkugude mu oyagala cash olabika tomatira (Oh babe I have realized you are simply after my cash and you do not really love me).

In other words she could do the talk n talk n talk of love but could not do the walk of love. And that is what happens sometimes, we love doing the talk n talk about some of these things yet we cannot do the walk. What a shame!

The post Did Uganda musicians cause the walk to work protests first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

the Author

Recently when I saw Nigeria succumb to the thrashing of Greece, I was not shocked at all or not even disappointed in anyway. This is not because I am not a fan of Nigeria or any other African team at the FIFA 2010 world cup. No. In fact if there is any buffoon that is a die hard fan of the African teams at this year’s world cup, then it is I Zak, the son of a Munyoro peasant.

However, one of the reasons why I was not shocked or even disappointed when those Nigerian fellows were beaten for the second time in this year’s world cup, it was just because I am a citizen of a country which last qualified for the African cup of Nations in 1978, 10 years before my flesh and bones were delivered into this world and for the case of world cup not even a single time in the history of this world. Yet every other time our country Uganda participates in these qualification campaigns for World Cup and Africa cup of Nations, but has always failed to qualify just because it loses matches here and there.

So, I have seen Uganda lose over and again while it failed to qualify for such ultimate competitions. True, at first I would get disappointed and shocked when Uganda lost, not until I got used to the losses.

Now, I am so used to losses in football that even if I rallied behind teams like Nigeria in the world cup and all that they did was lose during the competition, I swear I would never be shocked or lose my wits over such stuff of losing that I have seen Uganda do and do quite well.

Nigeria National football team

Moreover some of these teams more so that Nigerian team has started behaving like the way Uganda behaves during the qualification campaigns. I have begun to suspect that these Nigerian fellows must be copying some of the tricks that Uganda uses to ensure that it does not qualify for these prime competitions.

I suspect that must be the reason why the other day Nigeria gave away a 1-0 advantage to those Greek fellows who took advantage and won the match. I hope you all remember that time when Uganda gave away an advantage of similar style some time back to a country called Niger which also went ahead to win the game against Uganda in a qualification campaign.

Then Uganda went ahead to turn its faith and put it in mathematics to qualify for the African Cup of Nations. No wonder mathematics betrayed Uganda even when Uganda won its last match during that qualification campaign. Now after giving away a game to the Greek national football team, Nigeria decided to put its faith in mathematics and hoped that it wins its game against South Korea to have any chance of qualifying for the next round of the World cup. Surely that is copying Uganda’s tricks.

Keep following Zak as he delves into different issues, events and ideas concerning Ugandans with his youthful satire.

zak@weinformers.net

The post African football teams in the world cup like Nigeria copying Uganda’s tricks first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

the Author

Now I am quite aware that by the time some of you read these crazy thoughts of mine, the 2010 FIFA World Cup will have kicked off in South Africa  but that should not be something I should waste my ink on witting because it matters less to the few truths that I am about to unveil about women in relation to the so called world cup in this article.

To begin with I filled with nothing but pity for my sisters in Uganda because for sure if there is any one that is going to face unprepared for suffering then I have no doubt it is those daughters of Eve. You know one thing I know about Ugandan men is that they are really good at shifting anger arising out of disappointments that they face in life to their wives. You will have to forgive me if I am going to be a prophet of doom here but one thing I know for sure is that some men are going to be disappointed by the way things are will go at the world cup.

More so, those stupid that have specialized in beings fans of teams that are perpetual losers will no doubt help my prophesy about disappointments come to pass. Now here in Uganda when after such men being disappointed by their various teams in the world cup, like always the women will be on the receiving end of such disappointments after all the teams that are meant to be blamed for their poor performances will be far away in South Africa and out of reach of these Ugandan buffoons that call themselves men.

Putting that aside, I have little or no doubt that most Ugandan women will be rallying behind Christiano Ronaldo’s Portugal not because they really think Portugal has the potential to win the world cup but because they think and so they claim mbu Ronaldo is a hunk..eh… a hunk my foot!

Portugals Christiano Ronaldo

Sorry for getting that emotional at this juncture but back to what we talking about. I know many of you think this is not true but if you think this is not true then go and find out why a year ago most women here in Uganda were fans of Manchester United and have now started diverting to other premiership teams after the so called hunk left Manchester United for Real Madrid a season ago. Now that is what Ugandan women are capable of as far as being fans of teams is concerned. SO you know why many men will dislike their women’s ‘interest’ in football or this particular 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa.

In addition to that it is only Uganda where you will find women sitting in bars and video halls with their hubbies watching football between teams they barely know obviously simply because they want to ensure that their men leave home to go and watch football other than diverting to other ‘businesses’ of going for ‘away matches’ from home in the name of watching world cup. If you want to know how Ugandan women can tight mark their hubbies then come to the bars during this time of World Cup and you will understand what I am laboring to talk about.

Otherwise I have no option but to wish you the best world cup season but just a word of caution before I stop witting all this and go and do other things. Please let us endeavor and avoid specializing in supporting teams that have made failure their middle name and in this particular aspect I am mainly speaking about Arsenal fans because they are the ones that have this silly habit and should not carry it into the world cup. Hope they listen to my simple advice and do not take it as an insult because it is not an insult anyway.

By Zacharia Tiberindwa

Keep following Zak as he delves into different issues, events and ideas concerning Ugandans with his youthful satire.

zak@weinformers.net

The post Ugandan women to be affected by the 2010 FIFA World Cup first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

the Author

By Zacharia Tiberindwa

Recently I decided to take some time off the dusty streets of Kampala and went back to the west and not in that direction of Rwakitura like so many of you are beginning to suspect. One thing that annoys me in this country is that every time a person talks about the west in Uganda most of you, Ugandans, your silly minds quickly run to that direction that leads to Rwakitura as if that is the only direction that leads to the west in Uganda.

Now the west I am talking about in this case is the true western part of this country. I had gone to visit that small town called Hoima: it is one of the towns that are in the oil region of Uganda or the region that I prefer to refer to as the only one that flows with milk and oil. 

It is my hometown and obviously I had gone back to that damned place just to visit my relatives. So, I also took that opportunity to go as far as my home village. That village is called Kikara and it is in Kyabigambire sub-county. All that I want you to know about Kikara is that it is one of the most remote villages in this country but being the clever fool that I am I went there just to have fun and ensured that I observed just enough aspects about that village such that I would share with you some of the interesting aspects about our village.

However, before I proceed I beg that you do not ask me how many years I had taken without visiting that village because that is none of your business and I do expect you not to poke your crooked nose in business that not only does not concern you but that I also would suggest that you ignore.

Okay back to business. First and foremost, Kikara village is the only village I have been to in this country where one has to cross a forested valley before you can get to the village. This valley is the one that physically separates our village from civilization and crossing through that valley to our village is akin to crossing to an entirely different world on this planet. However thank God that recently I traveled to that world and I am back to tell you the story and now lets get to what goes on in that village.

As soon as I got in the village I was seriously astonished by the number of people that were always climbing trees looking for mobile telephone network. Fortunately, being one of those fellows that are on the only network that is everywhere you go and that is MTN, at least I was saved the bother of having to climb those trees. But I have to confess that sometimes I would have to climb anthills looking for that so called MTN network.

Then, I was also astonished when the next day I had to go to the garden and spend the whole day there. The reason was not that all that time we were in that garden working but it was something different. In our village when a person plants crops he does not only plant and go back home to snore waiting to reap the fruits of his or her labor. In Kikara and I suppose in many Ugandan villages, a farmer has to plant his/her crops, then keep in that garden or else the baboons help such a fool harvest the crops before they mature. So farmers keep in the gardens shouting and yelling at baboons to ensure they protect their agricultural crops.

Let me tell you when you see those farmers shouting at the baboons you could easily mistake them for mad fellows. Whereas people Kampala and towns spend days speaking with or shouting at people , that side people spend entire days shouting at baboons. Now that is Kikara. By the way, you can forget everything about Kikara but remember that it is not anywhere else on this planet but in this lovely Uganda.

And to sum it all up, I would have told you more about Kikara but that would be encouraging you not to think. So the little stuff that I have told you it is just to provoke you to think of the untold part of the bigger story now that I have told you just part of the story. For example I will not tell you what you go through in Kikara to get mobile phone airtime, or how far you have to go to charge your phone. How do you think people here answer nature’s calls, or …ahhhh.

Keep following Zak as he delves into different issues, events and ideas concerning Ugandans with his youthful satire.

zak@weinformers.net

The post Kikara highlights the plight of a typical Ugandan village first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

the Author

The other day, one of my friends, a one Kyewalyanga a.k.a Kyewa who is fond of attending parties in and about the city told me that recently he attended a party that chocked him. It forced him to decide never to take his nose to any other party again on this planet earth unless it is extremely inevitable. Some of you may think the fellow was bounced but wapi. That is not the reason why he regretted having fluked that damned party.

In fact the buffoon was welcomed like one of those fools that had been invited for the party. He told me that he had never attended a party littered with so many long speeches as that one he attended.

It is then I realized the source of Kyewa’s displeasure in relation to that particular party. One aspect I know about Kyewa and why he attends almost each every party he is invited to is his excellent appetite. So when Kyewa attends parties, it is to eat food, period. Anything beyond that is irrelevant; even those speeches are irrelevant as long as they in way lessen the probability of comfortably eating that food. That is what f-o-o-d means to a Ugandan like Kyewa.

Nevertheless one thing we need to know about all this is that Kyewa is not pretty much different from many Ugandans and the reason why they attend parties. Honestly, I think most of us Ugandans attend parties to eat food other than to listen to those silly speeches that fellows make during parties.

Unfortunately most of the people that make those speeches never seem to take note of this fact that we attend parties to eat, not to listen to their boring speeches.

My friend, you will go for a party in Uganda where a guest begins a speech at lunch time and goes on until cows, goats and hens come home from where the hell they spend their day. And these talking fellows never seem to bother. Sometimes you may forego to prepare lunch; all in the name of eating
when you get to the party only to get there and instead your empty stomach is fed on long and boring speeches.

Ugandans honestly can make their speeches shorter but it is just that they have never bothered to try.
They think making long speeches is stylish but here is what they should try to avoid just that they may save us those long boring speeches and give us the much needed opportunity to eat the food
during those parties.

First and foremost if you are called upon to make a speech and at one time in your life you have ever been abroad, we all do not need know about your escapades abroad. Remember what brought us to the party is to eat not to learn about those beautiful cities that you have been to. Yes it is quite interesting to hear about those cities but at least not at the expense of our starved stomachs. If you have ever been abroad, so what? Does that mean people should die of hunger because they have to listen to your musings about life abroad?

In addition to that, if you are a successful fool, it is true we need to know about your achievements but that does not mean that you should pull out each and every achievement of yours and throw it right into
our faces simply because you want us to know how successful you are.

If only you never told us all that trash in the name of telling us about your achievements, I have no doubt that speech would have been much shorter and the better for our appetites.

You can also try to learn this simple fact about speeches; that like a mini skirt, speeches should be brief enough to arouse the necessary interest in the relevant subject but should also be long enough to cover that relevant subject.

If only Ugandans that make speeches knew this, then we would have some peace with our food during parties and not that trauma we go through every time long speeches are unnecessarily made during such occasions.

Keep following Zak as he delves into different issues, events and ideas concerning Ugandans with his youthful satire.

zak@weinformers.net

The post Ugandans could make their speeches shorter if only they bothered to first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

the Author

One of the most interesting things about the pearl of Africa is how strongly bound Ugandans are by a certain spirit. Now I know when I talk of spirits some of you, your minds fly back to your bu gods that you carry around in your handbags for the ladies and for the men those bu things that you carry in your wallets. To be sincere this article has nothing to do with those bu foolish things of yours.

What I’m referring to is this time round is what for those of you that have been in Kampala lately must have seen on some billboards; that stuff that says “The spirit that binds us.” It that spirit that some people who call themselves Christians pretend to detest so much as if they are not aware that Jesus at the wedding in Cana turned water into that spirit.

I even wonder whether those so Christians even know that Jesus on the last supper broke bread and dipped it into such a kind of spirit and said “take this in remembrance of me”. Are these Christians even aware that Paul urged Timothy to take a little of that spirit for the purposes of health. Now that is the spirit I am referring to here.

It is that spirit that has been given several names in Uganda but which mean that spirit. The scientist calls it alcohol; the Jew in the bible called it wine; an Itesot will argue that it is called Ajono; a Muganda will say it is called either Enguli or Mwenge Bigere. The ‘civilized’ ones even refer to it as “a drink”. Then some Munyankole may come in and say it is called Amaarwa but it is all and the same spirit.

Why is Alcohol so loved in Uganda?
The most amusing thing about this spirit is how much Ugandans love it. I hope most of you have heard of how Waragi, another name for the spirit, has murdered “fools” in this country. More than 30 people in Kabale, south western Uganda are reported to have so far died from drinking waragi. In the past many Ugandans have died from consuming this spirit.

What is surprising is that many Ugandans are not just about to give up with enjoying their communion with the spirit just because it has killed some people here and there in. Do not be surprised at the end of this year when you hear that our dear nation has performed spectacularly as far as consuming that spirit in concerned. By the way do not forget that our country has on a number of occasions done itself proud and featured among the best in alcohol consumption and not just on African standards but on world standards. That is what I mean when I talk of Uganda and “The spirit that binds us.”
Yes it is that spirit that makes us, we big men urinate in our trousers; it is that spirit that makes, we gentlemen shout and yell at whoever cares to listen to our foolish uttering; it is that spirit that makes us, the bright young men act silly at least for the moment. It is that spirit that gives us we the lustful men of this generation, the courage to express our sexual sensations to the daughters of Eve. It is that spirit that exhausts us, gives us a hangover and helps us forget about our stupid troubles that we face in this curse of a living.

No wonder that some call it Uganda Waragi. Therefore no matter what the hell dem say, we shall take the spirit. And let all Ugandans shout and say “For the spirit and our country!”

Please may I kindly ask that I take break at this moment and go and have a drink? Honestly, I promise that by the time I write next time I will surely be sober. So do not worry about me after all it is “The spirit that binds us.”

Keep following Zak as he delves into different issues, events and ideas concerning Ugandans with his youthful satire.

zak@weinformers.net

The post The spirit that binds Ugandans first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

the Author

What is wrong with women and film fantasy? At first, it Salvador, now it is Angello. One annoying aspect about us Ugandans is that we always have what a good Muganda calls akatinko. It all began with all this stuff; the so called Second Chance bug.

The truth is that I would have had no problem with all that stuff had it not been that some of those women obviously those that are close to me spoke about nothing but that die-resurrect fellow called Salvador. It is irritating that sometimes a son
of man would even be tempted to tell such women to go and get married to Salvador rather than boring one’s ear with all that crap.

When Salvador or is it second chance ended, we thought we now could have the attention on this planet of those daughters of Eve all to ourselves, another competitor of the attention of our women sneaked in. It is this ka fellow called Angello an actor in a series called The Promise.

Can you imagine I found some chick that had written some sweet stuff about that ka guy? However what makes me hate the guy even more than I hated that so called Salvador is the fact that though many people considered that Salvador fellow as handsome at least he never struck me as such, but maaan the indisputable truth about this Angello fellow is that the ka guy is handsome. And to make matters worse, unlike Salvador who was a crafty guy, this Angelo guy looks innocent and I have no doubt ladies are not just about to stop sympathizing with the ka fellow.

I cannot imagine some women do not even get ashamed to write things like “Angello muyitirivu (Angello is amazing)” on face-book pages. “He is such a good actor, handsome guy, a cool guy. He is the best.” Then another old foolish lady adds to that crap “Angello yampiseko, mwana muto (That she missed the opportunity of having to fantasize about Angello mbu because the ka fellow is young).”

To be sincere if one of these fools had only happened to be lucky enough to be my chana, I would have had no option but to tell her to go and get married to that so called Angello or go to hell. I swear I cannot stand such buffoonery that such crazy women are trying to exhibit. If Angello is handsome so what? Who gives a damn? Is he the first handsome fool this world has ever come across.

Let me just end my ramblings or else I will end up saying what I am not supposed to say in public. Honestly women should either stop fantasizing about such foolish guys on television or get married to them. Period. Anything beyond that we shall not accept. But what about my brothers…don’t you too fantasize about those cute ladies in the soaps and movies?

Keep following Zak as he delves into different issues, events and ideas concerning Ugandans with his youthful satire.

zak@weinformers.net

The post Ugandans Fantasizing about Mr. Right or the handsome guy in the movie first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

the Author

I hear mbu Big Size aka Bebe Cool and his beautiful chana Zuena Kirema will soon be doing collaboration together. I just cannot wait to listen to that song. I never knew that some Ugandan stories can be that amazing not until I heard this Zuena love story.

I swear this is one of the stories that has amazed me so much that sometimes I am tempted to think that this story could do well if it was used to make one of those cowboy movies. I know some of you will refuse to accept this but I was told when I was young mbu kawoboyi taffa atte bwaafa omulambo gwe teguwunya (loosely translated to mean that a cowboy never dies and if by any error he dies then his corpse never smells).

If that principle is anything to go by, then I have no doubt that the Zuena and Bebe Cool’s story is sport on. In the Zuena story obviously we have one that can be likened to a cow boy and that is our dear and only brother Biiiiig size Bebe Cool. If there is anybody that never dies in this world then it is Big is big as he likes to call himself. Even when some fools want him dead, they end up shooting the leg.

I’m told that our brother Big size scooped Zuena from another guy. Mbu during that time, the other guy was still a student and being a student, he had a good relationship with poverty. Big size on the other end was steadily rising through the ranks in the music industry and a celebrity too. Obviously the chana settled for the then successful Big size. However, mbu, the ka guy that had been damped by Zuena soon also joined the music industry and fortunately, with a bang. Mbu that is when Zuena started having second thoughts about him. It was about that same time a song was sung asking “Zuena lwaki tontekka kumizaani, Zueena nopima nolaba akwagala yaani?”

And Big size replied weeping “Agenze, Agenze” and those foolish things of Bambambarabebe Bebe cool ayombye ne Zuena…..Bambambarabebe Zuena agenze nabana………Bambambarabebe Bakiyaye balibira Zuena….. Bambambarababebe Zuena adayo wa Bebe cool”. After that we heard of some cat and mouse chasing between Big Size and his chana however before we could hear enough, the plot got a sudden twist and we now heard the guy claiming mbu “bogolako” after the return of the highly pursued chana.

Bebe Cool's Zuena is a hot item

On the other hand, the other ka fellow who was chucked, I hear mbu was trying to seduce Big size’s chana and honestly if I am to tell you what I have heard from the unreliable sources, Big Size’s chana was tempted to go back when another song was sung, “Nyambura bwenali omwavu nombadala nzifunye, lwaki onondola.” Now the storms seems to have settled for our brother Big size and that is why he has the guts to shout at us and tell us “Buli omu awujje kasepiki ke eeh, obuliri abike bubwe eeh…” then he adds “Laba Zuena bwawujja, awujja kasepiki kamunene…” Do you know what happens then, the story for the moment ends there, to be continued as other events unfold.

Don’t you agree with me that that would make the best story for a cow boy movie with a cow boy who was almost murdered with desperate grief during the Zuena departure but like a true cow boy he never died until the grand return of that daughter of a man called Zuena.

However, one aspect I have noted after telling you this story is that bana- Uganda mwagala olugambo (Ugandans, you really love gossiping). I cannot imagine that a smart lady or gentle man like you has been reading this idle gossip of mine. Nevertheless that does not mean you should feel condemned because like the bible says; there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ, I want to say that there is no condemnation for those that read my idle thoughts.

Keep following Zak as he delves into different issues, events and ideas concerning Ugandans with his youthful satire.

zak@weinformers.net

The post The Zuena story is good to be used in the movie industry first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.