Thinking your partner might be unfaithful can wreak havoc on relationships. But pretending everything’s fine when you just can’t shake that nagging suspicion can be just as dangerous. –Don’t pretend everything’s fine. If you suspect your partner is having an affair, look for these telltale signs. Of course, they’re not absolute proof your other half’s playing away but they may indicate something is amiss between the two of you.

Leaving the room to make a call
Usually your partner is happy gassing on the phone while you’re together but if you’ve noticed he or she leaves the room every time the phone rings then it could be because there’s something to hide.

Working late

Guilt (album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If your partner’s work patterns have changed, it could be down to a new project or heavier workload, but you should also be wary that it’s not because of the appeal of spending late nights at the office with a favored work colleague or heading out with someone else. Don’t jump to conclusions but rather show an interest in what your partner’s working on to suss out whether the excuses seem realistic.

Being vague
If your partner is cheating on you then the devil is in the detail. Changing from being open with you to a being difficult to pin down on who he or she’s been talking to or going out with and reasons for getting home so late, might mean your partner’s not be being straight with you.

Avoiding future plans
Not wanting to commit to anything can be a sign of doubts. If your partner’s less enthusiastic than usual about a holiday you had in mind, or keeps on trying to put off plans you had together, such as moving house or booking festival tickets, then it’s worth asking why.

Sudden need for privacy
Being in a couple brings a certain amount of intimacy and sharing. If you feel your partner is becoming distant from you, either emotionally or physically, then it could be because there’s something to hide.

Behaviour that doesn’t add up
Use your intuition. If there’s something puzzling you about your partner’s behaviour then maybe you have good reason to be suspicious. It could be that an excuse for being late doesn’t tally with the facts or claiming to be short of money when you know it’s just been payday, but little inconsistencies tell their own story. Trust yourjudgment and if something makes you uneasy, bite the bullet and ask about it.

A change in tastes or opinions
One of the joys of being in a couple is discovering new things together and being on the same page. It can be jarring if your partner suddenly develops a passion for activities, foods and TV shows you’ve never seen and starts mouthing off with opinions you’ve never heard. If alarm bells are ringing, probe further about where these new found loves and opinion came from, and be on the lookout for clues of a third party.

Making more of an effort
You might appreciate your partner’s newfound attention to grooming but did it come out of the blue? In long term relationships, love may indeed be a little blind and a few too many of those cosy meals on the sofa often take their toll on your waistlines. But if your usually lazy partner starts buying new clothes, hitting the gym or booking beauty treatments, it could be to impress someone else.

Guilt gifts
Be aware of presents bestowed on you for no reason. Yes, it could be that your partner saw that fragrance and thought of you, but it could also be a sign of a guilty conscience.

Spending less time with your friends and family
If your beloved starts dropping out of plans you’ve made with your friends or family, and thinking up excuses not to see them, be wary. It could be a sign that you’re partner isn’t interested in making an effort with people in your life, which is bad enough, but it could also be because seeing the people who love you most only makes the guilt feel worse.

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Fr. Musala, 55, says the Catholic Church still maintains the “fable” that most catholic priests persevere in celibate chastity fairly well, which Musala says is pure fiction and “begs belief”.

Fr. Anthony Musaala

“From the numerous cases on the ground one might be forgiven for saying that   most diocesan priests either don’t believe in celibacy anymore, or if they do, have long since given up the struggle to be chaste,” Fr. Musala wrote in a well articulated later to Uganda Bishops, Priests and the Laity.

But while his lengthy letter and intentions to start helping people abused by catholic priests may have good intentions, many will question the honesty of Fr. Musala who has been alleged to engage in homosexual behavior and who has publicly expressing misgivings about the church in Uganda for sidelining him since the allegations (he says they are unfounded) were labeled against him.

However Fr. Musala’s letter does add to pressure mounting on the Catholic Church and the new Pope Francis 1 to effectively deal with the sexual crimes and concerns of the Catholic Clergy.

See more articles about Fr. Anthony Musaala and some of his music videos

Below is the full letter

FR ANTHONY MUSAALA

MIREMBE GARDENS

PO BOX 30329

KAMPALA
Tuesday 12^th March 2013

AN OPEN LETTER TO BISHOPS, PRIESTS AND  LAITY:  THE FAILURE OF CELIBATE CHASTITY AMONG DIOCESAN PRIESTS.

It is an open secret that many catholic priests and some bishops, in Uganda and elsewhere, no longer live celibate chastity.

From the numerous cases on the ground one might be forgiven for saying that   most diocesan priests either don’t believe in celibacy anymore, or if they do, have long since given up the struggle to be chaste.

In any case it still seems important for priests  to vow  even a woefully imperfect celibacy, if only for the sake of  the hallowed ‘priestly image’.

The church however still maintains the fable that most catholic priests persevere in celibate chastity fairly well, which fiction begs belief.

ALL IS NOT WELL

All is definitely not well with what I call ‘administrative celibacy’, in the catholic church. It is a celibacy which is more forcedthan consented to, and  its effects are anything but good.

I suggest  that now more than at any other time, we must beginan open and frank dialogue about  catholic priests  becoming happily married men, rather than being miserable and single, either before or after ordination.

Although this may be quite a shock to many, but the alternative may be far worse. What do you think  happens when lapses and scandals by priests, sisters,brothers and bishops continue unabated , whether hidden or not?

My forecast is that we will have  a few more years of catholic self-deception; perhaps ten, telling ourselves  and the world that  everything is Ok, nothing serious. Then more scandals will surface.

As people become more enlightened (as in Europe)  there will be a crisis of faith, perhaps a sudden  collapse, with many leaving the church, either to join other churches (whose pastors may be no better, but who appear to be less hypocritical about it), or to become agnostics, especially the middle classes.

One must remember that there are other challenges facing the church, such as general weakening of faith, loss of sacramental life, low incomes, dull liturgies, and the challenges of the media. Many of the youth ( not the children) are already alienated from Catholicism and are easy prey to proselytizing groups.

FACING THE NAKED TRUTH

The number of catholic priests and bishops who are sexually active in Uganda is unknown, but almost everywhere   unedifying stories  of priests ‘sexploits’, are not hard to come by. These stories are told in counseling or as anecdotes,or by the media. They are told within the parishes and beyond. They are told at home in families, in  taxis, in hair salons and in the markets.

What is talked about? Priests’ secret and not so secret liaisons with  girls and women,  coerced sex with house-maids, with students, with relatives;  priests ‘wives’ set up in well established homes;  priests involved with a parishioner’s wife;  of priests romantically involved  with religious Sisters;  priests offering money for sex, and so on…

If you add to this, a fair  number of priests’ and bishops’ children scattered around the nation,  who are carefully hidden from view (and not so carefully!), not to mention children who are  aborted at  priests’ behest, we begin to get the true picture of human weakness, whose consequences are nothing less than catastrophic both for the priest and his partners, and which cannot be concealed by  taking a vow of celibacy, or by retreats and more prayers.

LETS LEARN FROM EUROPE AND AMERICA

While in Europe and the States, the scandal of numerous paedophile priests, whose victims  are rightly suing the catholic church is widely reported in the media, very little by contrast is heard about priests and bishops in Africa who continue  sexually abusing female minors (or vulnerable women) with no legal action taken.

Obviously time has come for serious measures  to be undertaken,  similar to those in Europe and America. Apart from legal action in civil and ecclesiastical courts aginst offenders, strict  ‘child protection’ codes and practices, must be enforced, by the state which for instance should prohibit young or vulnerable females from residing in parish houses, where some of the abuses occur.

THE SINS OF DECEPTION AND SILENCE

Thus the unnecessary and unpalatable deception  about celibate priests, that they are chaste when they are not is clearly  contradicted by what is on the ground. The deception is of course not tenable for much longer.

Surely we must first tell ourselves the truth as a church, that is to say, that celibacy has failed or is failing us, and then also tell the world which we have been deceiving  the naked truth, before we are completely overtaken by events.

Unfortunately there is  an ominous unhealthy conspiracy of silence  about these matters among the Ugandan clergy and faithful alike, probably because priestly celibacy might  be seen to be a hollow shell, which it mostly is nowadays.

The  laity for all their good will, are also co-opted into this unwholesome silence, sometimes for lack of information, sometimes  because they believe that they have some ‘moral’ duty to be loyal to an imperfect church. In truth  their silence shores up the sins of priests and the destroys many lives.

MARRIED PRIESTS NOT WANTED FOR THE WRONG REASONS

When I ask lay people whether catholic priests should have the option to marry the answer is always NO; since they say, that would make catholic priests like Anglican reverends! As if that was the worse possible  fate, yet Anglican clergy who are married certainly do not have  the same levels and same kinds of sexual lapses as their catholic counterparts..

Most lay people in Uganda would not like their priests to have the option of marriage, yet it is their very own children, sisters, wives who are  being used  and abused by the clergy!

THE CAMPAIGN

A campaign for optional married priesthood in the catholic church is now required. This  campaign is primarily a form of education and purification. It is not be construed as a rebellion against  established doctrine but a reading of the signs of the times

Since there are no fundamental theological arguments against a married priesthood (there are already some married priests in he UK and Uniate catholic churches) but only arguments from tradition and church discipline, I believe that it is a matter of time before common sense prevails and marriage for the clergy in the latin rite (i.e. catholic) church is accepted..

I am aware that  there is a big struggle ahead.Unfortunately celibacy also serves certain vested interests in the power structure of the church, and of course celibate priests are cheaper and easier to deal with, even to manipulate, by ecclesiastical authority, but I believe that in time we will be freed from this unecessary yoke, unhelpful as it is, which is all the more severe in Africa where family and family ties are so crucial to one’s psychological equilibrium..

PERSONAL INTEREST

One factor which has prompted me to take up this campaign  is my own biography. I am one of a handful of several priests who had the misfortune of appearing in the press for supposed sexual trespasses.

In my case,which was 2009, it was cited that I must be a homosexual, because I had homosexual friends and went to homosexual gatherings. Not that I cared much whether or not someone thinks that I am homosexual. Certainly I have been called worse things than that.

In my defence  I tried to point out that I didn’t actually recall having had homosexual relations with any of my rabid accusers, neither did they; which meant that  hearsay alone became the evidence .

What I found troubling is what followed.  Apart from all the pain and scandal caused to all concerned, I found that even though all the allegations were based on hearsay, I was being treated, by my superiors as the biggest sinner in Nineveh.

Up till now  judgements   are being made against me by ecclesiastical authority in the light of  those events, which I suppose  is to be expected. I wondered about this and came to the conclusion that priests who ‘get caught.’  like me,  have to pay for the sins of all those who don’t get caught.

In other words failed celibacy requires scapegoats.Some clergy are able to get away with the grossest behaviour, because of their age, position, influence or  even because of financial inducements.

So while I appear to have little moral authority to talk about celibacy as a priestly virtue because of what may or may not have happened to me in 2009,  nevertheless I can point out the systemic immorality of the institutionalized hypocrisy called celibate diocesan priesthood, which severely punishes lapses when they appear, but condones the secret crimes of  many more.

I believe that there must be a new openness at whatever  it takes. The point is  not that diocesan priests should  leave the priesthood and get married, but compel the church to offer the option of a married priesthood. This will put an end to the double lives so many priests  are forced to live.

SOME CASES HEARD

Case One

I spoke with a 21 year old young man last week. He is one of seven children of  a catholic priest who happens to still be serving within the Province of the Archdiocese of Kampala. The young man, who is willing to testify, lived in a parish house with his father priest, even serving on the altar with him, but having to pretend to be a visiting nephew.

At times he was assisted by his father to go to school, but was later abandoned. On one occasion  he drank poison in order to end his life, due to the trauma, but was taken to hospital before he died.

Case Two

Another is a personal friend. He was fathered by a missionary priest of the White Fathers 58 years ago but is still suffering the trauma of no real identity or home.

Although he has since  received some minimum compensation from the White fathers , he still feels that there was an injustice to his  mother who is still alive , who was sexually assaulted by the said White father priest in his office when she was only sixteen. He wishes to sue.

Case Three

Another case is of a priest who seduced a member of  my youth group who happened to be in need of school fees, at Old Kampala,  She soon became pregnant by the said priest, disappeared from church activities and from her home to be established in a ‘home’.

Case Four

Another lady tells of  how she went to confession, only to be sexually molested by the priest, who fondled her breasts during confession

Case Five

When I was at secondary school, it was common knowledge that various Brothers were having sexual activity with the boys. It was called ‘jaboo’. As a pubescent teenager, my first sexual encounter was actually with one of the brothers who invited me to his room on the pretext of doing some extra chemistry equations. I was sixteen at the time. Later I heard that several others had been through the same thing..with the same Brother and with other ones..Some are still alive to this day.

ACTION REQUIRED

I do not believe either that these cases are just a few ‘bad apples’ in the barrel, but rather they are symptomatic of a sick system which has lost its integrity in this one area, but won’t admit it.

Some of these cases are clearly criminal in nature, especially those of sex with children. They should be dealt with in a normal fashion and legal action  taken in civil courts either against the church, or against those priests who offend.

I am therefore compiling cases from all over Uganda.I believe that if the all the  victims of clearly  molestations were to  come out and sue the church in civil courts, such abuses would sharply decrease.

I am also  helping to set up a Victims Support Group, independent of the church for obvious reasons, with guidance and help from similar groups in Europe and the States.

I have also engaged a Human rights lawyer to advise on the wider implications of clergy abuse on the basic human rights of individuals,especially women.

Join me in this exciting challenge to bring fundamental change and renewal  to the catholic church.

Happy Easter

FR. ANTHONY MUSAALA

Related articles

• A Catholic Pill to Swallow
• Father Musaala blows the lid off priestly sexual abuse in Uganda (Africa)
• Pope can’t alter Catholic law on celibacy, female priesthood – Priest
• The people who live a celibate life
• | Pope Francis has a clear priority: Stop and prevent the sexual abuse of young boys!

The post Pressure increases on Catholic Church to allow optional marriage for its priests first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

Many epileptics secretly suffer sexual problems but it is said that they fear to discuss them in public. Some of these problems in some cases are triggered by epilepsy medication while others are a result of general conditions associated epilepsy.

Dr. Ddumba Edward, Senior consultant neurologist, Nsambya Hospital

in Kampala says that many epileptics have big sexual problems that naturally interfere with their intimacy. The doctor says that many epileptics can not sustain an erection for long, therefore having their partners sexually starved.

He says that some epileptics lose interest in the sex. This, plus erectile dysfunction issues affect their self-esteem as adults. Some of the people suffering from epilepsy try to play sex with housemaids or houseboys to prove their strength, although this doesn’t help them much.

The epileptics suffer from stigma and many of them lack self-confidence and this affects their sexual performance. Doctors also tell us that the anti-epileptic drugs also cause sedation, which affects their sexual performance.

Walakira Nyanzi

Ultimate Media

The post Sexual problems epileptics suffer in marriage first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

The high court is preparing to fix the hearing of the case in which the wife to city lawyer, Enock Barata, is requesting the court to order Kampala socialite, Clare Grace Katima to pay for damages of eloping with her husband. The case is no 15 of 2012 registered at the high court family division.

The family division of the high court is located at crusader house in Kampala. This case was filed by Barata himself after his official wife questioned why he had left his home for a woman who is like Uganda’s city animal Bad Black.

When the man was questioned by his wife, he left his home near Lubowa on Entebbe road and went to stay somewhere, reportedly with Grace Clare Katima. The man then filed a divorce case. In retaliation, the wife also filed a counter case at the same court accusing Clare of eloping with her husband. So very soon the case will be fixed and the pals to Clare whom she reportedly grabbed their lovers have ganged up with Barata’s wife to testify against her. The source in court confirmed that they have already received a list of over 10 women who knows Clare very well right from Makerere University who also complained that she eloped their husbands.

One of her old friends whom they were with at Makerere told our snoops that Clare right from her university days has been eloping with her friends’ husbands and many times she uses juju to win their hearts.

This old friend of Clare says that she has already vowed to testify against her if the court fixes the case. This old friend also says that while they were there at Makerere, Clare grabbed her man and made her fail her marriage.

This media house has been writing about this gal before. Mid last year, Katima reportedly disorganized the marriage of Kasami and Kasami divorced his wife after only three months of marriage. So Katima’s friends tell us that after breaking down Kasami’s marriage she is now at Barata’s.

Ms Clare no body is trailing you but it is only your acts which do attract our snoops in the field to follow you up.

The post Apollo’s ex Clare to pay for damages over eloping woman’s husband first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

The case was registered at the High Court as divorce case no.15 of 2012. And this is not the first or the second time Katima is being reported of involving in scandals. She has had several cases before including those of ‘threatening violence’ at Kira road police station.

A friend to Barata’s family intimated to us that his wife went to court to seek for divorce because all the money the man has is used to look after Katima, leaving the poor woman yarning for help. We hear Barata even made Katima a boutique opposite Kiira road police station.

Mid last year, Katima reportedly disorganized the marriage of Kasami and Kasami divorced his wife after only three months of marriage. So Katima’s friends tell us that after breaking down Kasami’s marriage she is now at Barata’s.

The post Girlfriend to URA chief involved in fatal love row first appeared on Uganda Multimedia News & Information.

Our reporters had randomly asked 30 men inKampalato imagine being in relationship with a woman who cheats with another woman. Over 80% of the men interviewed showed that they will continue with such love while the rest said they would divorce her.  

For women the results have been so different. Most of the women interviewed showed that if their husbands played sex with fellow men they would leave such marriage.

In the nutshell men sounded okay with woman to woman cheating while the women showed that they can not accept male to male relationships. A test for you now, would you forgive your partner if they cheated on you with a member of the same sex? Text +256712971085

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