The other day, one of my friends, a one Kyewalyanga a.k.a Kyewa who is fond of attending parties in and about the city told me that recently he attended a party that chocked him. It forced him to decide never to take his nose to any other party again on this planet earth unless it is extremely inevitable. Some of you may think the fellow was bounced but wapi. That is not the reason why he regretted having fluked that damned party.
In fact the buffoon was welcomed like one of those fools that had been invited for the party. He told me that he had never attended a party littered with so many long speeches as that one he attended.
It is then I realized the source of Kyewa’s displeasure in relation to that particular party. One aspect I know about Kyewa and why he attends almost each every party he is invited to is his excellent appetite. So when Kyewa attends parties, it is to eat food, period. Anything beyond that is irrelevant; even those speeches are irrelevant as long as they in way lessen the probability of comfortably eating that food. That is what f-o-o-d means to a Ugandan like Kyewa.
Nevertheless one thing we need to know about all this is that Kyewa is not pretty much different from many Ugandans and the reason why they attend parties. Honestly, I think most of us Ugandans attend parties to eat food other than to listen to those silly speeches that fellows make during parties.
Unfortunately most of the people that make those speeches never seem to take note of this fact that we attend parties to eat, not to listen to their boring speeches.
My friend, you will go for a party in Uganda where a guest begins a speech at lunch time and goes on until cows, goats and hens come home from where the hell they spend their day. And these talking fellows never seem to bother. Sometimes you may forego to prepare lunch; all in the name of eating
when you get to the party only to get there and instead your empty stomach is fed on long and boring speeches.
Ugandans honestly can make their speeches shorter but it is just that they have never bothered to try.
They think making long speeches is stylish but here is what they should try to avoid just that they may save us those long boring speeches and give us the much needed opportunity to eat the food
during those parties.
First and foremost if you are called upon to make a speech and at one time in your life you have ever been abroad, we all do not need know about your escapades abroad. Remember what brought us to the party is to eat not to learn about those beautiful cities that you have been to. Yes it is quite interesting to hear about those cities but at least not at the expense of our starved stomachs. If you have ever been abroad, so what? Does that mean people should die of hunger because they have to listen to your musings about life abroad?
In addition to that, if you are a successful fool, it is true we need to know about your achievements but that does not mean that you should pull out each and every achievement of yours and throw it right into
our faces simply because you want us to know how successful you are.
If only you never told us all that trash in the name of telling us about your achievements, I have no doubt that speech would have been much shorter and the better for our appetites.
You can also try to learn this simple fact about speeches; that like a mini skirt, speeches should be brief enough to arouse the necessary interest in the relevant subject but should also be long enough to cover that relevant subject.
If only Ugandans that make speeches knew this, then we would have some peace with our food during parties and not that trauma we go through every time long speeches are unnecessarily made during such occasions.
Keep following Zak as he delves into different issues, events and ideas concerning Ugandans with his youthful satire.